"Patience is a hard discipline. It is not just waiting until something happens over which we have no control: the arrival of the bus, the end of the rain, the return of a friend, the... resolution of a conflict. Patience is not a waiting passivity until someone else does something. Patience asks us to live the moment to the fullest, to be completely present to the moment, to taste the here and now, to be where we are. When we are impatient we try to get away from where we are. We behave as if the real thing will happen tomorrow, later and somewhere else. Let's be patient and trust that the treasure we look for is hidden in the ground on which we stand." (Henri Nouwen) It is a constant battle I face; it is so easy to approach the present as a sort of interim, as if today is something to be got through so that "real" life can finally begin. Right now, "real" life for me would be living in northwest Grand Rapids, Micah securing a 9-5 job, my possibly having a part-time nursing job, being primarily home with the girls, having plenty of money (why, oh why can't we just be satisfied with "enough"?!), and having most of the extraneous details and situations fall into place too. Ha, who am I kidding? To wait for that bucket list to actually happen all at once would doom me to a life of discontent. To wait for "real life" would be no life at all. I know this in my head. Yet I keep waiting for something to click, lights to flash, and VOILA: a neat little life for Caitlin appears! This quote struck me today because it does not condemn the hope to have something different for tomorrow; rather, it's a reminder that today is just as REAL and just as worthy of my time and energy and appreciation. Truly, it is a treasure if we look for it.
Today I am going to be thankful to have free time (a.k.a. boredom). I am going to use it to love on my girls one at a time (a.k.a. not multi-tasking with laundry, etc.). I will call my husband and think about how much I love him and how grateful I am for what he does and sacrifices for me (a.k.a. not dwelling on my loneliness without him). I will stop to give my sister a hug (teenage heart-ache stings, and she won't be a teenager in need of hugs forever). I will thank God for the treasures he places in my lap and the ones he hides under my feet.
Why blog? Because I'm far from what I've always known as "home". Because I'm a journal-er at heart and from way back. Because I'm afraid of the precious moments and funny memories my little family make on a daily basis being forgotten by going unrecorded. Because these ARE my "good ol' days". Take your pick : I hope to capture here a tiny glimpse of this simple and richly blessed thing I call my life.